Finally, finally, finally ... work began on the upstairs bathroom. For months now we have only had the crappy bathroom downstairs. During the last two months of my pregnancy, I had to traipse downstairs during the night to go to the toilet. It was exhausting and some nights I slept on the couch just so I could reach the toilet in a shorter period of time. Now renovations have started on the upstairs bathroom. And whilst having tradies in my house day-in-day-out is impersonal with a newborn, I'm so looking forward to having the spa bath as a therapeutic measure to my 'worst' below.
I took a visit to my rheumotologist this week and my blood tests revealed that my inflammation count had increased. I knew this would be the case because I have felt the arthritic funk set in. She suggested I go on two lots of particular medication, but could not guarantee that they would be safe for breastfeeding. This made me so sad. I felt like I was back at the same spot I was with Amaya, that is, to choose between my welfare and my child's welfare. Over the latter half of this week, I have found the pain horrendous. Even more than that, I have found the mind fuck an absolute drain. The grey dog is back in town and all I want is someone to give me a fucking break from the pain and the heart ache of my decision.
What were your best/worst for the week? Can you possibly swear more than me?
5 comments:
Hey Shan,
I don't know if this is any consolation, plus, I'm not a mum, so what would I know? But for what it's worth, my mum was only able to breast feed me for 3 weeks, and I think I'm pretty robust ;-)
Plus, I don't think your welfare and Remy's are mutually exclusive - rather, they are intrinsically linked. If you look after yourself, you will be better able to look after Remy. Be kind to yourself Shannie - the kindness you allow yourself will spill over onto Remy.
Thinking of you. Hope the upstairs bathroom is good-to-go in no time! :)
Ruth xoxo
Give Shan a break!!!!!!!!!! That is my plea to whatever powers be.
Shan - Ruth is right... I am not a mum either but have been reading a bit about breastfeeding etc of late. If you are in pain but still trying to breastfeed it isn't helping you or Remy. Sure there are advantages to breast milk but if the pain of it is great then the bond between you and your child is not going to be as strong as if you were to bottle feed.
You have looked after Remy so well and for 10 months already, look after yourself now with Art and the positive effects of this are going to flow on to Remy, Amaya and Luke.
Much love, I wish I could take some of your pain for you.
Kim
B - Getting away, with child, to Warrnambool to be near the beach and around some lovely, lovely people who make me laugh lots :)
W - Hearing about my dear friend who is facing a tough decision that seems like she's letting herself and her bubba down, but really, the love they share is so much stronger and deeper than how bubba is fed. xox
Shan. Im sorry to hear that you are struggling with Art. Swear as much as you need to to convey how much it upsets you.
My advice on the breastfeeding front is this; Remy has had the very best of your milk in the first few days after birth (colostrum). What she needs now is a happy, healthy mummy. I know that breast feeding Remy is important to you but what good are you going to be to Remy if you are sad and in pain for the other part of the day that you aren't breastfeeding?
Remy will be just fine on formula as Amaya was.
Dont punnish yourself Shan. Make your decision with your best interest in mind, as you can only take good care of Remy if you are in good health.
Be confident in your decision, whatever it may be and do not let anyone give you any shit about it.
I hope I haven't been too forward with my advice. I love you and just want you to be happy and healthy.
Love to you always
Jo
xx
Hi Shan,
I've read your blog since the day you gave me the link but I haven't written till now. I do so for two reasons; one to congratulate you on the birth of your baby girl, and secondly to empathise with you. Obviously I've never breastfed but I do know about the horrid decisions we have to make. Regardless of your choice Shan I've no doubt both your kids will grow up with the resilience you model. It's to be abmired.
I hope to see you again one day.
Stu
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