I already know that this is going to sound selfish and ungrateful, but ... I dislike being pregnant. I'm constantly ill, tired, consumed by heart burn and arthritically sore. Even as I move into the honeymoon period of pregnancy, I'm still vomiting every day - morning or night, or both. Compounding this is never having the opportunity to rest with a toddler to care for, a house to run, and a full time occupation.
Recently, I desperately sought the approval of my doctor to take medication to ease the vomiting - in the least. He has placed me on medication and I'm already feeling better, for the most part (I still vomited a 'little' this morning!). I find pregnancy all-consuming and a marathon of nine months. It was exactly the same with Amaya.
As a dear friend, Brooke, said to me recently, 'Shan, you are one of the few who doesn't want to put the baby back in once it is born'. She is so right. I'm desperate for February to arrive. I'm desperate to get this little girl out of my system and get on with my life. I'd rather the hard stuff of a newborn than this current existence. I've openly admitted to Luke that I'm never ever doing this again!
So, do you think I'm entirely selfish, self-involved, and ungrateful yet? I understand that there are women out there who struggle to fall pregnant, and those who simply cannot. My heart aches for them, and I would never question offering to carry a friend's baby for them so that I could give them their own little family. I would be pregnant again for them - for sure!
Yes, time for me to toughen up and grind my way to February.
(Sorry Norbyah - your recent blog entry also inspired me to show a little vulnerability. It's important for women to share the truth.)
(Sorry Norbyah - your recent blog entry also inspired me to show a little vulnerability. It's important for women to share the truth.)
3 comments:
if i paved the way for you to expose one of your vulnerabilities, then i'm glad. you're absolutely right, i think as women we all put up a strong front, but we should also be able to show the real side too. the part we're afraid other people, primarily other women i'm afraid, will judge us for. thank you for taking a page from my blog and opening up for us too, shan. it takes great courage. thank you for making me not feel so alone, too. xo
Who said being pregnant is an easy phase for the mother to be? Some women do not get the symptoms that you are going through and some unlucky ones do, like you. At this stage, you will eagerly want February to come tomorrow and turn the page for all the hardship you are going through. However, in the future, when you'll have your beautiful baby in your arms, you will laugh at all that you had gone through and realise it's all worth it.
Whatever happens, I think about you and I support you all the way through.
I'll vote for option D... none of the above since you didn't list honest as an option!
I can't say I enjoyed being pregnant for many reasons and that didn't include having a chuck everyday so for that I'm grateful.
love always, Tanya
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