Nurturing A Marriage

I'm such a nerd.  I love to listen to ABC radio, especially 'Life Matters'.  This program is on every morning whilst I'm at work, so I podcast it and listen to it when I have a spare moment. 'Life Matters' is a one hour daily program that addresses so many aspects of life, from: children; to gap year; to the current economic crisis; to asking the questions of your parents before they pass-on; to Christmas celebrations; to dog day-care; to musicians - just to name a few.  But most importantly, 'Life Matters' constantly addresses the nature of relationships.

Recently, 'Life Matters' played a lecture given by Dr Rosie King about happiness in relationships - any type of relationship.  This lecture had a profound impact on me and my thoughts about my relationship with my husband, Luke.  I thought I would share its basic content with my readers so that maybe it too can have an impact on you.  

Dr King stated that the key to a happy relationship is 'mindful loving'.  This means having a constant focus on the other person's happiness, and loving with an awareness.  One such way to love with awareness is to have a bank account entitled, 'Fostering Good Will'.  It's important to make deposits into this bank account on a daily basis.  And the longer the relationship, there is a greater need to make more conscious deposits.

Fostering good will is choosing to love with an awareness every day.  A focussed love.  A selfless love.  

When your 'Fostering Good Will' bank account drops and the balance within a relationship becomes unequal it's very easy to fall out of love in marriage, or become distant in a friendship. This imbalance can occur through: the failure to nurture needs; constant arguments; disrespectful judgements; annoying habits; and emotional and physical abuse, just to name a few.  Anyway, we all know what we do, or what happens to us in a relationship.  So, are you an investor or a bank robber?     

Whatever your response, Dr King gave seven ways to increase your good will bank account:

 

1. Learn about the other person.  Even if you have been together for years, take the time to learn something new.

2.  Focus on the positive in your partner.  Sure, there are aspects of our partner that will always frustrate us, but it's important not to let them be your main focus.

3.  Focus on your good feelings and good times with your partner.  This runs similar to number 2 in letting the minor irritations slide.

4.  Accept your partner for who they are and don't try to set out to change them.

5.  Take advice graciously from your partner.

6.  Love generously and openly.  Be attentive and affectionate towards your partner.  It may be just a gentle touch.

7.  Embrace in a seven second full body touching hug per day as it releases endorphins.      

I think of late I have become a bank robber ... for reasons that are not necessary to explain.  I just know that I have become that person.  It's terribly easy to get caught up in the hurly burly of life, with work, parenting and selfish needs, and begin to neglect the very thing next to you that you would be shattered to lose.  With that acknowledgement and from this day forward, I've decided to become a daily investor in my 'Fostering Good Will' bank account.