Farewell

To my loyal followers, 

It's time for me to say farewell to you and Inklings Ink ... forever.

I first started this blog after my first daughter, Amaya, was born four years ago.  My first post was entitled, 'Welcome to Me'.  Here is some of that post:

I have finally entered the world of modern technology ... Amaya's existence has made me want to live.  It has made me want to: be more; aim higher; live fulfilled; and fear less.  Hopefully you enjoy this blog journey as much as me.

The entry also included this special, special photograph on my firstborn.

How much my life has changed, reshaped itself and grown since those first entries.  How much I've learnt about motherhood, Amaya, friendships, arthritic pain, dreams and aspirations - my journey through this world.  And now of course, living across the other side of Melbourne, starting a new job, and having the very strong and persistent, Remy Arwen, join our little family.  All of this, I've shared with you and you with me.

There is no doubting that I've had my ups and downs with it, but I've always soldiered on hoping I could connect more with my fellow peeps.  Most of the time I felt that I was able to achieve this aim.  But, other times I would question why was I doing this blog.  What was my main objective?

This is where I began to get lost and this blog began to come undone.  I lost heart.  I lost inspiration.  I felt that I wasn't been real to my readers.  It wasn't what I wanted to do - anymore.  Something has really shifted with me this year.  I've never taken a year off in life to reflect on who I am and what I want from life.  I've always rolled from school, to university, to work, to university, and back to work.  2011 has forced me to sit, reflect, question, redefine, and realise that some things in life really are possible.  Dreams - eventually - can become reality.  And reality is something to behold when it is wholly fulfilled.

So it is time I, and Inklings Ink, bid you adieu.  Thank you to all who have supported and commented over the past four years.  I hope you won't miss me too much. xo

...................................    

For those that are interested, I'm shifting my focus and starting another blog about living with arthritis.  I feel that this is where I need to lay my heart bare.  I'm tired of feeling lonely in my pain.  Even if you don't have arthritis, it would be lovely to have you on board.  Because in understanding each other, we learn more about ourselves.

If you're keen - the more the merrier - shoot me an email at the following address and I'll add you to my mailing list: lifeandtimeswithart@gmail.com

Some Days

Some days ...

Some days I feel in control of life, and other days I'm clocking the hours until the children are in bed.

Some days I feel lonely, super lonely, and other days I'm filled with friendship.

Some days I lash out at my husband because I wonder what's in this for me, and other days I know for sure that I'm the glue that holds our little family together.

Some days I make lists and cross every item off that list, and other days I don't even put pen to paper.

Some days I'm really selfish, and other days all I want is to be with my girls. 

Some days the pain of Art grinds me to a crying halt, and other days I hold on tight and will not let the pain define me.

Some days girl number one makes me feel so physically tired, and other days all I want to do is play on the floor with her.

Some days I leave my kitchen a mess before bed, and other days I construct a new policy with myself to clean it because it feels so much better in the morning.

Some days I feel like a lazy arsed mother, and other days I fill the day with activity upon activity.

Some days I feel like I have lost my intellectual drive, and other days I think up new plans and read the newspaper back-to-front.

Some days girl number two makes me ache, and other days I snuggle because I know that she is definitely my last.

Some days I promise to myself that tomorrow I'll do life like this, this and this, and other days I couldn't wish for a better future.

Some days I don't neaten, and other days I make all the beds in the house before I open the curtains. 

Some days I lack any inspiration from anyone, and other days I feel empowered by so many people around me.

Some days ...

What are you 'some days'?

Pink Party

This year Amaya celebrated her 4th birthday party in pink style.  The party invitation specifically stated that guests needed to come 'perfectly primped in [their] pink outfit'.  We held the party at the local gardens and fortunately the weather/rain held off - in fact it was so lovely and warm standing in the sun.

A yearly tradition - my mother made the beautiful birthday cake.

Amaya was so excited about her birthday this year.  She looked forward to her two birthday celebrations - one with our little family and another with friends and family.  And, she received some of the most perfect gifts.  The people in her life know her so well.

Amaya admiring her cake whilst we all sang Happy Birthday

I cannot believe girl number one is four years old.  I still remember the c-section.  I still remember the doctor holding her above the screen and informing Luke and I that we had a baby girl, on which I promptly asked Luke to double check - her gender was such a shock.  I still remember the crash after her birth.  The depression and many hours of counselling to follow.  But, in her arrival to this world she has made me love like never before.  I ache when I'm not with her.  I miss her voice, her laugh, her constant chatter, her curious questions and unique personality.  In a heart beat she brought me deep joy.  And now with Remy in our lives I feel completely fulfilled.

Amaya's friends from school were perfectly pink.  Good effort team.

Just the other day Amaya was asking me if I was going to die.  Death is her latest topic of obsession.  I believe in an open policy and I told her that I was going to die one day.  We all do.  She quickly informed me that she didn't want me to die because she would miss me too much.  And so she thought of a way to keep me here - she is planning on holding on tight to my top, my pants, my shoes and my undies, just so I'll never die.  She was pretty proud of her action plan.

Make a wish!

This little girl is mine forever.  I love celebrating her birthdays.  Love making them extra special for her.  I cannot wait to celebrate so many more of them - even if she feels the need to hold onto my undies.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY 4th AMAYA EVE!  

(More commonly known as May May)

She is so proud of herself.  She is 4!

Things Not to Say

Recently I read an article about 15 things not to say to someone who has RA.  I was glued to every word.  It felt like - at last - someone understood my daily frustrations.  I have reworded and reshaped this article so that it suits my thoughts and current life circumstances.

The next time you see me, please do not say any of the following.  And if you have said any of the following to me in the past, do not say them again.  Good - I'm glad we got that sorted :)

Those drugs are too dangerous

As someone who has RA you don't think I already know this?  Taking medication is not a decision I make lightly.  Every day I weigh up the effect that the medication could/will have on me in the future with the my current situation.  That is, am I far happier living in the moment with somewhat less pain because of the medication, than living in the moment in excruciating pain without the medication?  Each day out of a wheelchair and off the operating table is a bonus for me.  

My grandmother has it

You know what ... your grandmother more than likely has osteoarthritis which is caused by old age.  More than three quarters of the elderly population would have osteoarthritis purely because of their age.  It's a rite of passage into senior-hood.  This statement often shows me how little the conversing person knows about arthritis and its different members of the family.

You need to exercise more

Yep, know how this one works - the more you exercise the better the joints feel and the stronger the muscles become.  Unfortunately, sometimes I can barely pull myself out of bed and walk down the stairs to give my children breakfast.  Some days my mind is so exhausted from dealing with chronic pain that the idea of exercise is painful.  And some days, my body just needs a rest.  Seriously, I'm doing the best I can.  This always follows on with the thought: losing weight might help.  Granted, this is true too.  But let me explain two things to you: RA medication can cause you to retain fluid, increase your appetite and as a result increase your weight.  Also, food is a comfort for the pain.  It's a vicious cycle.  The comfort from food is only momentary and some days my mental strength is better than others, and some days I want to jump off the Westgate Bridge just to have a break from the pain.

Have you tried ... ?

The amount of times people have read an article, seen something on a current affairs program or heard something that worked from a friend and passed it onto me, is countless.  I know that their intentions are of a good nature and they just want to assist me in any way they know how, but if I thought something really worked I would have already bought it and given it a go.  I have had RA for 33 years and I've concluded that nothing works besides medication, spa baths and red wine. 

But you look fine!

This is true ... you can't even tell that I have RA.  But, what does RA look like?  Swollen crooked knuckles?  If you looked closer at me you would see disjointed limbs, but due to years of experience I'm very good at choosing appropriate attire and wearing makeup to cover the pain.  If you ever see me without makeup and hanging about in casual clothes you can assume I'm having a shitty time.

Let me know if I can do anything for you

I often hear this one from many different people - even my husband.  And whilst I am so grateful that you are seeking out if I need assistance, I live in chronic pain.  Have you ever had pain for a whole day?  It's difficult to make a decision for myself, my husband and my children without then having to decide for you what you can do for me.  Just do anything, I'll be forever grateful.

I have it in my right forefinger knuckle

Shut the fuck up!  I have it all over my body - in every joint.  You moan about the pain you feel in a small joint - one small joint - try living in my whole body for just one hour.  Sometimes people ask me what RA pain feels like and my answer is often this: 'Have you ever been to the gym and had a really big workout and the next day you can barely move due to the soreness in your muscles?  That's what RA feels like, but times it by ten - day in day out, just on a different scale out of that ten.'

Thanks for listening, and much appreciated. xo

Fashion Girl

The various fashion shots before bath time ...

Shopping girl

Princess girl

Church girl

School girl

My Health Journey - Week 4

This week I lost 800 grams - now down to 94.8kgs.  So glad to be under the 95kg mark.  With that said, I feel like this journey is a l-o-n-g one.  My goal weight is 75 - 78kgs - still have some way to go.  But my aim is to get there due to my 35 List.  Love crossing things off that List.

Things running through my head this week: are the calories worth it in that piece of food?  That's my latest obsession: calories and nutritional value.

I'm going to try something different this week.  I'm not going to choose a number, rather I'm just going to say that I'd like to be under 94.5kgs.  We'll see what happens.

How did you peeps go?  Alicia?  How's yoga going for you Tanya?

'Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother'

A book like this hasn't got under my skin for some time.  'Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother' by Amy Chua is a persuasive text regarding the way Chinese parents raise their children in comparison with Western mothers.  The main premise of the text is that Chinese parents believe in the success of their children and therefore carry high expectations.  Western parents, on the other hand, are willing to accept mediocre outcomes as long as the child has 'tried their best'.  

There is no doubt that there are many more successful Chinese students than there are Western students.  There is no doubt that many of these Chinese children are pushed to reach success.  The Chinese realise that the harder you work at something, the more you get it right, and the more that you get it right the more that you enjoy it.  The joy of success far outweighs the frustration to get to that outcome.

Once I started getting into this book I realised that I was a truly Western mother.  I was willing to accept certain behaviours in my daughter because I didn't want to look harsh to the rest of the parenting world.  Or, I didn't want my daughter to love me less because I was being too harsh on her.  I was also willing to accept mediocre learning abilities when I knew in my heart that my daughter is very intelligent and creative, and needs to be pushed.  The day I decided to become more of a Chinese mother - and not entirely a Chinese mother - was the day my daughter started to change.  

The first day I pushed and pushed her with her number writing.  She had to get it right.  Soon the 'I can't' attitude from her became smiles of success at her own achievement and she was soon writing 1 - 10.

The second day I decided to work with her on the alphabet, her name and her sister's name.  She had to verbally complete the alphabet with only one error, which we managed to do after many turns.  The smile on her face when she realised she could do it was something else.

On the third day she wrote a birthday card to her 86 year old great nanna.  She had originally written her name and drew pictures in black pen, but I decided that wasn't good enough.  Her great nanna is 86 years old and deserved more time and care given to her by my daughter in her card.  And so Amaya worked at it for a better result.  She coloured in the pictures - neatly and with care.

On the fourth day I had booked Amaya into Art class, moved her up in her ballet class (which also included jazz and tap), and also moved her up in her swimming class.  All of her teachers had told me that Amaya had talent in these areas, but I had being sitting on my hands because she hadn't turned four yet.  Doesn't matter - she has talent.

 

Don't get my wrong ... I'm not going to push Amaya where she doesn't have talent.  For example, Amaya isn't going to be a fantastic athlete - she is too clumsy and too awkward.  But, I'm going to push her where she does have talent.  I'm going to financially invest in her future.  She has talent in ballet and the Arts.  As for literacy and numeracy, that's a given.  She will be pushed to excel above her peers.

I know this probably sounds pushy to most of you and I can hear this question : where is her childhood in all that?  Trust me, Amaya has enough 'childhood' time.  As Amy Chua stated in her book - are Chinese children any less unhappy than Western children because they are pushed?  In fact, I would beg to argue that most Western children are more unhappy, frustrated and lost because of their lack of direction and parental intervention.  I base this evidence on what I have seen in my classroom.

In all honesty, Chinese parenting requires consistency and sometimes this can be quite draining.  It also requires a lot of parental attention and planning.  Too often I see Western children with gadgets in their hands, things in their ears, televisions on the backs of their seats, x-boxes in their bedrooms, and books on iPads - do the parents not want to communicate with them?  Western parents must be more willing to put in the hard yards with their children.  Why else did they have them?  Have they really lost the battle?  Who's the adult in the relationship?

Now for my first-ever give away on this blog.  I want to share this book with others.  The deal is this: leave a comment regarding your views on parenting and your name will go into the entry to win the book for free.  I'll even post it your way.  Be brave and join the draw.  I'll post the winner next Friday.  You have one week to enter - parents and non-parents, all welcome.